A Letter Home...

(I was touched by this early Canada Day tribute. This article came from The Globe and Mail. 30 June 2005)

I am writing this letter from Khartoum, where I am serving as a Canadian peacekeeper with the United Nations Mission in Sudan. Being far away from home certainly has a way of making you think about things in a different light and seeing a new perspective.

I have had the great privilege and honour of serving our nation for my entire adult life as an officer in the Canadian Forces. I truly believe that being in the Forces provides many of us with a greater understanding and appreciation of our country than most of our fellow citizens - having the chance to live in different parts of our country, experience regional cultures and integrate with its various peoples. This can be achieved only by living somewhere, as opposed to simply visiting on a holiday. Canadian Forces personnel also travel and live around the world, providing us with an opportunity to compare Canada to other countries. I personally have served on lengthy deployments to the Middle East, the Balkans and Africa, and I have been posted to Europe twice. This life experience has been more than I could have ever imagined.

This leads me to say that we in Canada are living in the most fortunate nation on Earth. When you look at what is important for a happy, prosperous and safe life, we have more than our fair share.

Great people

In general, Canadians are a very friendly, warm and generous people who are willing to do something extra to help others. Good examples are how Canadians acted during disasters such as the Winnipeg flood or the Quebec ice storm, and the generosity of our citizens in the wake of last winter's devastating tsunami half a world away. Observing our soldiers helping the less fortunate on any given mission - be it within Canadian borders or far from our shores - is enough to warm the coldest heart. Canadians also know how to enjoy life, as can be observed at our countless summer and winter festivals. Is there anything better than listening to some cool jazz in the streets of Montreal during that city's incomparable jazz festival, or skating down Ottawa's Rideau Canal during Winterlude?

Good government

Even though we love to complain about the government, and how hard done by we are, we are served by some of the best, most professional and honest governments in the world. I have had innumerable dealings with official institutions in other nations and can recount endless tales of frustration and incompetence. Our government structures and institutions are properly resourced and staffed with well-educated and well-trained people who generally care about their work, which can also be said for our other public institutions such as education and health care.

Welcome immigration

Canada has been incredibly well served by the way it has welcomed immigrants to its shores. Living in Europe has opened my eyes to intolerance to outsiders, which our nation generally does not share. We have made the most progress in the way we accept people and help them settle and quickly become productive citizens. I challenge anyone to find another nation that has done as much as Canada in this regard. These newcomers have brought us so much to improve our society, and we have helped them join us in the best place on Earth. I have met at least a dozen new Canadians serving as UN civilians on this mission who have escaped often horrifying situations by coming to Canada, where they were given a new lease on life. They were able to quickly establish themselves and become productive citizens who are now helping others in a less fortunate part of the world. Without exception, they are all extremely proud Canadians and ever thankful for the chance to improve their lives.

Spectacular landscape

Let's face it, is there anywhere more gorgeous and diverse than Canada? From sunrise at Cape Spear to sunset off the coast of Tofino, from the Prairies to the Rockies, we are blessed with the most beautiful nation on Earth, which provides us endless space and room to grow.

Livable cities

Our cities are beautiful, clean, safe, well organized and very livable. The mixture of peoples living together brings excellent restaurants, arts, culture and business opportunities.

Opportunity

If you want to work hard, virtually nothing will prevent you from getting ahead. There are no institutional roadblocks to prevent anyone from improving his lot in life. Look at our newcomers who arrive here with nothing and make a life for themselves and their families through diligence and effort.

I sincerely hope you all have a wonderful Canada Day with your friends and families, enjoying BBQs, fireworks and our long-awaited summer. Please take the time to reflect on our good fortune as citizens of this great land and thank your ancestors who had the foresight to choose to come here. Last, but not least, think of your fellow countrymen and women who proudly wear the Maple Leaf on their uniforms and are serving far from home, away from their loved ones, trying to make the world a better place - a place more like Canada.

Lieutenant-Colonel Bob Chaloux is serving with the United Nations Mission in Sudan.

Who says it's not brain surgery??

DW and The Wondertwins and I made a discovery as we headed out to drop The Girl off for her BC trip this morning: The Mighty Intrepid was DOA (Dead On its Axles). Didn't turn over. Didn't crank. Nuthin'. Nada. Asystole. This was the same care I drove home from hockey the previous night.

So we did a quick switcheroo to Sparky The Wonder Saturn and off we trundled.

Realizing that sorting out my ride was a priority, I grabbed a new set of jumper cables on the way home after work with DW and figured we could boost the beast, if only to eliminate a source of the problem.

The first boost didn't work.

Enter my vehicularly astute Brother-in-Law via the telephone. While I'm reasonably mechanically competent, BiL is definitely no slouch when it comes to cars and he and I did some troubleshooting and problem elimination. (I like to sound these things out, ya know.) We did a slightly more direct boost from the Saturn (terminal to terminal, instead of grounding on the frame.) It starts. Turns out that my battery was toast. The water level had dropped in one of the cells so the plates were exposed and shorting out.

A relatively quick swap out and $114 (incl. PST/GST) later, and The Mighty Intrepid roared back to life all on its own.

Definitely better than having it dragged in shame to the mechanic and pay some exorbitant fee for the same result.

As BiL says, "cheap at twice the price."

This won't surprise DW one bit...

Monday mumbling

I biked to work this morning. My first ride in about 2 weeks. Maybe a bit more. I made pretty good time and I even hit a new max speed on the trip (47.1 km/h).

However, I am now hearing repeated choruses of the "Fuck you" serenade from my quads. Let's just say that the harmonies are a little 'off'.

The day is passing relatively quietly, and I'm plugging away at a few things here and there. Mentally, however, I'm getting itchy feet on a couple of creative writing things. Guess I should get on those...

Sp@m Funnies

I just love these guys...

• Personification C. Whitaker
• Vexed J. Machiavellians
• Firewood B. Impairments

and, my personal favourite...

• Hypothalamus E. Jugulars

Do I really have anything to say?

Biff's trying to tell me something. I just know it.

I think I used up all my good fortune when I managed to get rid of my 2 old bikes today, and them promptly scored a deal on use patio furniture from a neahbour down the street.

My trip to Home Depot to price some things and buy some things turned out to be two trips, because I discovered that I had forgotten my wallet. I made this discovery in the checkout line. *sigh*

I've got a major case of the fidgets and I don't have to leave for hockey for a while yet.

So, I'm posting something even though I really didn't say anything. I think I'm too spaced out even for that.

Lazy Saturday ramblings

Its the kind of Saturday a lot of people envy.

Sweltering hot outside, A/C keeping it real on the inside.

DW and I are quietly recovering from our night out with our friends from Huntsville. (Hereafter known as Venus and Mars.) DW is crashed out, dozing, beside me, and I'm sitting here on the bed just catching up on the sports scores and savouring the end of my hangover.

We really had a blast at dinner and again at the club later that night. The girls really get along well, and us guys just look at one another and start shaking our heads when the giggles from the girls turn into a laughing snort-fest. Of course, Mars and I can definitely hold our own. The laugh of the night came at the restaurat when Vee was a little giggly after her second margarita. The couple at the next table over was probably a little shocked when all they heard from Mars at one of those lulls in the background noise was, "what do you mean, you can't drink [Mossy] pretty?"

Like most open-minded adults, our conversations frequently turn to sex (the topic, not the act, you gutter-brains) so his comment was proably one of the tamest ones of the evening. Thank Biff for well-timed lulls. Some of the topics would have made even dtrini or John Q. Public blush. We'll just skip over the part where Vee got changed in the back of the van on our way from the restaurant back to the club. Poor Mars was speechless when DW tried to un-snap Vee's bra. (DW insists this was just as a joke, but Mars wasn't buying it for a second.)

By the end of the night Vee apparently managed to (in her estimation) "drink me pretty" and she thought DW looked like Angelina Jolie.

Mission Accomplished, there.

Today we enjoyed the rare luxury of sleeping in, before heading out for brunch at our favourite greasy spoon. Yours truly even went to get some of the overgrowth trimmed so I look much less shaggy.

After a few quickie errands, we headed for home and to a well-deserved afternoon snooze so we could be well rested for tonight's football game: the Argos' season opener.

Tomorrow, its back to reality with mor errands, home repair stuff (sizing and pricing new windows for the Crib), and DW has work "out her eyeballs". I'll be back on the ice now that my ab mucle appears to have healed.

The final word on that goes to DW, who said, "let's see what kind of injury you come back with this week, hunny?"

For all you cubicle dwellers

Inspired by a conversation over Caribbean food with dtrini, I remembered a link that will bring smiles to the faces of all of the beings in the veal-fattening pens all across North America.

When you get bored with The Sims, I give you, The Cubes.

Enjoy!

Dear Oprah...

I know it's been a long time since we talked, but I'm relenting and I'm putting my two cents forth about this whole alleged snub you're so huffy about.

As I understand the story, you and your "entourage" whirled over to the Hermes store in Paris recently. The gang arrived at 6:45PM (after closing hours? I dunno...) To your shock and dismay, you were denied entrance. Howls of outrage, tinged by calls of racism and other biases now abound in the celeb-media. You must have your spin doctors on quite a retainer.

Oprah darling, as you and I well know, these French "chic" stores are bum-lickers extraordinaire if you have the coinage to spend on $100 coffee mugs, and other stupidly overpriced kitch, but they had a legit reason for having their doors closed: they were preparing a "private public relations function" inside.

Were the French motivated by racial bias in denying you entry? Maybe, maybe not. The French have a remarkably diverse ethnic population, but they jealously guard their secular principles. I have my own take on the matter.

Are ya ready, Oprah-baby?

THE FREAKIN' STORE WAS CLOSED!

Wow....there's a shocker!

Sure, you might be a legitimate media icon, deserving of awe and respect and celebrity across North America, but I consider it the height of hubris for you to think that your visage (and presence of your "posse") will open doors anywhere just because you wish it.

The store was closed and I'm pretty sure it would have remained closed even if some other "celebrity" with paler skin had pounded on the door.

Yes, the brown-nosing types will bend over backward for anyone with a platinum card, but charges of racism tell me that your ego and sense of place in the order of things are very, very much out of whack.

Take the high road, Oprah darling. The store has apologized for being closed when your whims took you there. They reserve the right to close and open as they see fit.

Just let it go.

And next time, call ahead.

Love,

Me

...and the Season Begins!

While it wasn't my favourite lineup of teams to watch, the CFL season kicked off with a Montreal victory over the dreaded Ti-Cats.

The game opened with the retiring of Mike Pringle's jersey. A bit of a prickly character, Mike was, but arguably one of the best running backs the League ever saw. For all of his flaws (real and perceived), he left the game with a couple of key records: the single-season rushing record - well over 2,000 yards - and the all-time rushing record: 16,500+ pretty damned impressive for a "passing" league.

Speaking of passing, the QBs were an interesting contrast. Danny McManus and Anthony Calvillo were almost at the opposite end of the spectrum. Danny Mac still has the fastest release this side of Dan Marino, but AC really kept the Alouettes marching down field. Hamilton did its best to stage a rally late in the 4th, but it just wasn't to be.

For the first game of the season, it was a surprisingly good effort on both sides.

All I know is that my Argos have their work cut out for them this season.

So far, I'm 1-0 in my pool. *grin*

Sp@m Names du Jour

For your amusement, I have received some lovely UCE from the following kind strangers:

1. Incrustation T. Lustily - directing me to a classy tanned chick
2. Misconception A. Neoclassical - with a note about Nude Black Babes.

Thanks, folks. Without your contributions to my inbox, my days would be meaningless.

Owner of a Lonely IM

I freely admit that I'm a shameless multi-tasker. I also admit that I'm madly in love with my wife. Therefore, I combine these things by keeping an open MSN session with her during the days.

Cheesy? Yeah, probably.

Vital? To us, yeah. It sure is.

Today, however, she's off visiting a girlfriend about an hours' drive east (well, one hour with my lead-foot DW behind the wheel,) so it's a little quieter out here than I like. I miss her.

Its not that we can't go for any length of time without communicating. We just choose not to. We met online and instant messaging has been a mainstay of the relationship even when we weren't separated by distance. It's just our little ritual.

The floor is yours, world...

Good evening preceeded by a lousy day

Okay, so its a self-fulfilling prophecy. Sue me.

I'm really excited today because my football season starts tonight! I plan on being oblivious to anything other than the TV and the remote by around 7PM. *grin* Definitely something I'm looking forward to.

Even better, DW and I are off to see the Argos season opener on Saturday. Should be a good game, because its a bit of a Grey Cup re-match where the Boatmen host the B.C.Lions.

But these pleasurable moments are often balanced by moments of pain.

This morning, for example, I have an e-learning session scheduled for a client. Normally I manage to suffer through these events, but today is a tad frustrating. We usually have all the supporting documentation complete and ready to go before I teach (eg. Who calls who for support, etc.) That little piece is missing today. Why? Client management hasn't confirmed the details. But I still have to teach their staff.

So what am I supposed to do...make this shit up? Guess?

Just for laughs, MY internal contact who could solve this issue won't be in until nine.

What time am I supposed to teach? Nine.

Asshats abound.

Is it 7PM yet?

**(0925ET - Author edit/update: I got the client to agree to postponing the e-learning session until Friday so we can get the gory details sorted out. yay!)

I heard the book touch my fear

I'm not into horror movies at all, and it's a pretty rare thing when a book can give me the heebie-jeebies, but I read a passage today that touched one of my nameless dreads.

The book is by an author named Lee Child. His novels feature a protagonist named Jack Reacher; an ex Military Policeman now exploring the US and finding trouble along the way. Think of him as a sort of hero drifter with shades of The Equalizer and The Saint thrown in for good measure. I'm really liking the books and the plots are well crafted.

Today's chill thrill was while coming home on the train. Reacher is hiding from captors in an abandoned mine and his avenue of escape is cut off. He's armed only with his wits and a dimming flashlight. He spots a small seam in the rock and proceeds to crawl through it, hoping for escape. His flashlight dims and the space gets smaller and he finds himself crawling through the dark space on his belly nearly wedged in, his head turned sideways, his arms outstretched, moving forward only by pushing his toes against the rock. he's stuck like this for 3 hours.

~shiver~

My own description doesn't do it justice, but that whole "trapped in a body-sized space" thing was a childhood fear....eg. I could see out of the space in which I was trapped but the opening was too small. Very much like A Cask of Amontillado (That's for all you Poe fans out there.)

I remember exploring some caverns near Collingwood several years ago and there's one vertical passage you can slide through that's maybe 12" across and 10-15ft in depth. It's passable, but they tell you to face a certain way and that it's not for everyone. I foolishly ignored the alternate path and pushed my way through (vainly trying to impress a girl I was keen on) and feeling the brutal surge of that "trapped" fear hit me when I was about halfway through.

Nasty, nasty, nasty.

No point to this post, really. I just had to share the heebie jeebies. It's good therapy. ;-)

A Sad Silence at Yonge & Bloor

I honestly figured that old Ben would live forever.

Only in Toronto could you find a withered old specimen singing country karaoke on a street corner, wearing his own Mayoralty race shirts or promoting his health products.

Charitably, Ben wasn't exactly C&W's answer to The Velvet Fog, but people would still stop and listen and smile. Even I enjoyed his folksy demeanor and his ability to be an all-weather, all-season singer when I passed his spot on the way to the subway as I headed home.

He never made it to the Mayor's office, but he definitely left an impression.

Resquiat in Pace

Attention, all hands...

Attention, please.

The Lawn has been mowed. I repeat, the Lawn has been mowed.

That is all.

Riding the Pine

I'm benched.

Hit the showers, kid. You're done.

On the DL.

Light Duties.

Tagged out at First Base.

My home-care specialist (DW) has prescribed a very specific regimen for my recovery. This translates into that time-honoured naturopathic cure from the ancient Hawaiians: La'kkanook'i.

What really bites is that my happy pills are working, so I'm totally up for "taking one for the team", but she won't hear of it.

This both sucks and blows. (damn....those words....fucken cold showers... *mutter*)

I'm having a vaguely Herb Tarkek moment here. Apparently I can get some when I'm able to mow the back 40 pain-free. (I heard Pickles shouting to Herb, "Herbie, you finish mowing that lawn, or no Num-nums tonight!")

I've been informed by my home healthcare professional (Mistress Penny) that I am not being denied connubial bliss as a punishment; in fact, she tells me that she's doing it to ensure that we can bliss again safely in the future. I'm told this is for my own good.

(Readers: please note the somewhat tongue-in-cheek tone of this post.)

...although I'm not getting that either. *grin*

Diagnosis: Murdered Abs

I didn't get better in that 3 hour window and so, as promised/threatened/avowed by my DW, we trekked off to the hospital to get me checked out.

Truth be told, I was a little concerned. This thing wasn't getting better and it wasn't easy to breathe properly and all that stuff. Not a good sign at all.

So after prepping ourselves for a lengthy stay in the ER (novels, snacks, water, DWjs knitting,) we were seen in record time. After a few pokes and prods, the Doc confirmed my suspicions; it was indeed a pulled ab muscle. He scrawled out a scrip for me and I have some lovely anti-inflammatory happy pills. His advice was to take it easy for a few days. Unfortunately, even I'm not too dense to realize this means no hockey for Skippy.

(Of course, as I enter this via the crackberry, my DW felt this was the ideal moment to test my focus by ticking my nipples. I know. TMI. Tough noogies.)

So it's a sick day for me tomorrow so I can give my abs some healing time by staying horizontal for most of the day.

Stay tuned for more updates, loyal readers (yes, all four of you.)

Well, we know what it isn't...

And, after much contemplation, we think I've pulled one of my oblique ab muscles.

It hurts like a sonuvabitch. Breathing is okay, kinda sorta, but winding up for a sneeze, or trying to belch, well, its a whole new avenue of pain.

My DW said, "You're going to have to take more care with hockey, Hunny. I worry about you. You're not as young as you used to be."

She's right, of course, but, I'm not sure how to respond to a statement like that.

I've been served notice that if it doesn't get better, I'm going to the hospital.

Farg

There's a certain frustration that sets in when you're feeling icky and you don't know why.

So I'm here in the bedroom and DW has decided to take the Wondertwins out to see Madagascar. Lazy bastard that I am, I decided to go home from work, because I'm more comfy lying down. I've tried to make up for that, however, by putting a nice pork loin roast in the oven.

No word from the doc on my cell about x-ray results yet, so I'm doing what I can to get some symptomatic relief, but I'm still feeling uncomfortable.

Thank Biff for afternoon re-runs of M*A*S*H, tho.

To say nothing of being able to blog via crackberry whilw relaxing on the bed. *grin*

Oh yeah, while I thing of it; danikabur, callie, and digitalicat, I'm going to add you to my list of links when I'm back at the computer.

How NOT to spend your Friday morning

At the risk of heading into TMI territory, I've been dealing with some abdominal pain for the last couple of days. It's all localized on the left side. Franky, it's driving me bananas.

Last night it was bugging me and when I got up this morning, it was worse. So after a quickie SMS consult with my home physician (DW) I went straight to the walk-in clinic downtown instead of to the office.

The sequence runs something like this:

• get in, show health card, wait for doc
• wait
• wait some more
• Go in, Nurse asks what's wrong
• Tell nurse, wait for doc.
• Give up "sample" to rule out infection
• Wait
• Doc comes in. Asks same questions, gets same responses.
• Asks more questions
• Prods, pokes, etc., etc.
• Sends me for XRay in same clinic space
• Go to XRay
• Receptionist says, "closed to XRay, no tech today"
• Go back to doc's office.
• Doc and Nurse pissed at XRay situation
• Send the Stony one to other clinic a few blocks away
• Wait
• Get XRay done. "Yeah, the doc will phone in a report this afternoon"
• Me:
• Go back to Doc
• wait
• Tell Doc. Doc tells me a couple of possibilities for condition, but will call this afternoon.
• The Stony one finally arrives at work

However, I'm going to head home and work from there this afternoon and see if I can get some symptomatic relief. *sigh*

Okay, I can go home now. I have officially seen it all.

Thai police say man glued himself to death

Bangkok (AP) — Authorities in Thailand say it's something they've never seen before: death by super glue.

(Yeah, I saw that title and said, "what the...")

A young Thai man said to be suffering from stress killed himself by sealing his mouth and nose with glue, police said Thursday.

(Stress? Stress? Stress drives you to consciously block off your air passages?)

The body of Komkrit Choochan, 20, was found Thursday morning in his bedroom in downtown Bangkok, police Lieutenant Colonel Mongkol Nanthajit said. He said the victim, thought to have suffocated overnight, had his mouth and nose sealed with super glue, which prevented him from breathing.

(Frankly, I couldn't imagine a more miserable way to go.)

It was believed to be the first suicide of its kind in Thailand.

(first of its kind in Thailand, they say? You mean some other poor shmuck in another part of the world has tried this? This is a doucmented suicide means?)

Mr. Komkrit's family told police he had a history of moodiness. They said he argued with his elder sister on Wednesday over money she borrowed from him and failed to return.
A note saying “Here is all that I have, take what you please,” was found on the dead man's bed along with some cash, police said.

(That's just fucked up. Sad thing is, some other broken, misguided soul will actually try this method of life escape.)

Missing: 40 Winks

Has anyone seen my sleep? Cuz its missing. I mean really missing. And god knows I could use it.

Holy crap, am I tired. I do mean tired. I could crawl back into bed and sleep for oh, say, the better part of a week. What frustrates my socks off is that when I get overtired, I can't get to sleep easily. How fucked up is that? No, don't bother explaining it to me...I'd just stay awake trying to make sense of it all.

Thank Biff I only have one meeting today and its at 3.

I should be able to pull a George Costanza between now and then.

Unless dtrini is working down where I am today, then all bets are off.

assorted smatterings

I was sure I packed a granola bar in my backpack and I'm so fucken hungry right now. Do you think I can find it?

Made an interesting discovery today that my 2 peers in other divisions are incredibly unhappy. I'm trying to recruit one (with the tacit approval of my boss) but I dunno if I can help the other one.

The two university types sitting across from me (male and female) as so naïve its not funny. Yap, yap, yap.

Got hockey tonight. I'm hoping a good performance in my Sunday loss might mean I can play well again tonight.

Did I mention that I was hungry??

Fate must be a Libra

She's busy striving for balance, or dealing her whacked out scales.

Yesterday, it was brutally muggy, with non-functional A/C in the office, or even on the train/bus going home.

This morning, it felt much cooler outside, but my AM bus driver had the A/C on full blast. I almost wanted to reach for some polar fleece. ~shiver~

Sometimes ya just can't win.

Mad Dogs and Englishmen

Its some kind of hot, today. Damn hot. REAL hot.

I'd say that if anyone was looking for a definition of "sweltering", they'd look at a weather and air quality map of Toronto today.

Its humid and muggy and energy-draining, and I feel moist. And NOT the kind of moist that I like.

Of course, my co-worker, (ex-pat Brit, hereafter known as "Big Guy") and I are stuck on an exceedingly crowded train with no apparent A\C. The traveller standing next to me didn't use Dial, if you catch my drift. Can you say, "ew"?

I can't wait to get home and get in front of a vent blowing that nice conditioned air.

*sigh*

backdated blog

A few new postings (below) will be suitably backdated to reflect when they were written...enjoy!

My DW will be adding postings of her own about the trip, so you can go enjoy them there.

As soon as we can do so, we'll post some of our pictures.

Burnt and Burned Out

You can stick a fork in me 'cause I'm definitely done.

We finally made our way back to the hotel around 11:30 last night, nice and worn from a full day of walking the waterfront and The Citadel, and then having a great time at the Football game. I didn't quite pay attention to the whole sunscreen thing today, so my face is a little on the pink side. Oopsie

As far as game quality goes, it was typical pre-season quality (DW described it as "pathetic", although I'm a little more charitable). However, the experience itself was great and its definitely nice to be back in football season again. I've been lucky enouugh to see both recent Argos neutral site pre-season games.

Will a franchise fly in Halifax? Honestly I don't know. The economics are different out there and there's the issue of space for a stadium, to say nothing of the Money required to build it. Any franchise going in would need to do a couple of things right away: First, make sure the team was well-stocked with guys who played football out East (just like Montreal is stocking up with French-speaking/bilingual players.). They will also have to make sure they market the team as belonging to the whole Maritimes, not just Halifax (just like Saskatchewan does). The stadium will have to become an "in demand" facility: CFL, CIS athletics, concerts, other outdoor events...basically so it doesn't remain idle. For the franchise to survive, it will have to be competitive very quickly. Just ask Ottawa how hard that's been.

But enough of that speculation.

I'm tired but happy. We've had a great time out here and we definitely want to go again when we can have more time to savour the sights and the culture and all that.

For me, its just PEI and the Territories left to see. You just gotta love this country!!

All I want to do now is sleeeeeeeeeep.....but I have hockey tonight at 5:00... *sigh*

Historical Expeditions

It was really important for us to get up to the Citadel today. After all, we had a serious historical search to conduct while we were there.

The Citadel is, for a history buff like me, a great place to visit. It is an 18th Century fort that was designed to protect Halifax harbour against attack or invasion. Its incredibly well preserved and is a fixture of any Halifax walking tour. We even stuck around for the noon gun (Something DW wasn't aware of even when she lived here) and then we proceeded on our hunt.

It was a difficult search, because we didn't quite know where we should be looking. We had a vague idea, but we knew that what we were looking for was small, but not insignificant.
Alas, the search proved fruitless and we couldn't find what we were looking for.

So we're really sorry, Free Writer, we looked and looked and looked but we just could't find your virginity.

So, there I was...

**apologies for earlier technical goofies that left a blank post**

...no shit, surrounded.

If anyone were to ask at this very second, I'd say that I'm having the quintessential East Coast/Canadian experience.

I'm sitting in a jam-packed Halifax waterfront 'institution' (The Lower Deck), listening to a kick-ass local band (Signal Hill), singing cover tunes and east coat standards (Piano Man, Cecelia, Brown-eyed Girl, Barrett's Privateers, Sonny) at the top of my lungs, and I've been saying typical Argo Fan thing to the guys from the Ti-Cats who came in to enjoy the festivities (QB Danny McManus, S Rob Hitchcock, DL Adriano Belli, WR Mike Morreale, Head Coach Greg Marshall.)

It doesn't get much better than this, as far as I'm concerned.

We knew we wanted to get to Halifax for quite a while now, and we FINALLY managed to get everything timed just right.

Today has been a great day to get out and see stuff, and its pretty incredible just how much there is to see out here, and I know that we've crammed in a lot of sightseeing in an amazingly short time.

Must go...the boys are onto the last set and DW and I want to make our way back to the hotel.

Greetings from Halifax!

Courtesy of the miracles of crackberry technology, DW and I are sitting in Peddlars Pub on Granville St. We're about to tuck into some wholly unhealthy pub grub.
(East Coast bloggers come and find us!!). We have wings, rings, fries, and deep-fried pepperoni (just trust me on this one.)

Note for Kristin: DW sez that her ass fit the seat nicely on the way downn, but we're not so sure about it fitting on the way back.

Okay...must get my food before it gets cold.

More later!!

Thank you for bringing up that painful subject...

This is what happens while my slow-ass Citrix connection is churning away.

Which Princess Bride Character are You?
this quiz was made by mysti

Apparently, DW and I are a match!

I always knew I was a dictator, but...

...and I have the former staffers to prove it.


Which Evil Criminal are You?
A Rum and Monkey crime.

I was hoping for a cooler figure from history...someone who got laid a lot...like Gaius Julius Caesar...or Vercingetorix, or, or, or....farg. Ptolemy? Nah...he was way too weird. But not Bush. I hate Bush. Mithridates? Yeah...he rocked! Xerxes?

Sleepy Stuff

I'm a little zonked but basically conscious. I'm not sure it's a good idea to be blogging before 7AM.

My DW and I are leaving this afternoon for Halifax on the long-awaited "Honeymoon: Part II." Granted, it will be a brief trip, but a welcome one nonetheless.

We've been trying to get away to Halifax for a couple of years now, DW and I. We never seemed to get our schedules matched, or work coordinated, or money available...all that kind of shit. She lived there when her ex, (hereafter known as "Organic Cop") was posted there, but I've never been. The perfect opportunity cropped up when we heard that the CFL was planning to hold one of their pre-season games somewhere on the East Coast. Once the Halifax date was announced, we got excited, and when they said that they'd send the Argos and the Ti-Cats, it was a done deal.

So, the Wondertwins are taken care of for this extra-long weekend, the cat's covered, and DW and I are spending basically a half-day working and then we head out to the Airport.

Frankly, I can use the decompress time, even briefly. And getting to see Halifax and all of its history and sights is definitely something I'm looking forward to. We've got a little surprise planned for Free Writer while we're there, and we're really hoping he enjoys it. *grin*

~yawn~ Must go find tea and a bagel, not necessarily in that order.

How you Feelin'? Hot! Hot! Hot!

I'd never want to be reincarnated as a piece of unfinished pottery, because my local transit authority is giving me a first hand look at what life is like inside a kiln.

Apparently, what passes for Air Conditioning on this rolling shit-heap (manufactures some time shortly after the invention of the wheel) are open windows and roof vents. Oh yeah, those open windows are the itty-bitty ones running along the top of the window...not down where anyone could actually benefit.

As we approach speed, the hot air moves around in its best Blast Furnace fasion.

And, just for yocks, the dried up old crank I get on the early run kindly informed us that the back doors are fucked. Again.

Thank Biff for A/C at home.

One Year Later

The sky didn't fall, the world didn't stop spinning, and Elvis is still missing.

365 days ago saw the final game of the 2004 NHL Season. Who knew we could live without NHL hockey for an entire year? None of the woes predicted came to pass. All we have are the locked out players and the screwed over arena staff. The big losers, of course, are the fans.

There's lots of talk of imminent deals, but I'll believe it when I see it.

Ah well...the CFL Regular Season starts June 22....bring on the game!

D+61

Omaha, Utah, Gold, Sword, and Juno.

Words never to be forgotten, nor the sacrifices made in Normandy, 61 years ago today.

"They shall not grow old, as we who are left grow old.
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun, and in the morning,
We will remember them."

Lest we forget...

Tagged by DW

Rules:

(1) No repeats from other lists (or as few as possible)
(2) In order to be considered an 80s band, they must have released an album in the 80s.
(3) "Alphabetical" implies that if it is a single person, you list by the last name but a band that has a person's name is listed by the first word. Therefore, Michael Jackson and Jethro Tull would both be under "J".

Caveat: I am expanding my list to any band/artist who released anything in 1990 or so.

Sound good? Okay, let's go:

A - Alias, America, Autograph
B - Bad Company, Boston
C - Cheap Trick, Cinderella
D - Thomas Dolby, Dokken, Chris deBurgh, Dio
E - Rik Emmett, Europe, Eight Seconds
F - Foghat, Foreigner, The Firm
G - Golden Earring
H - Helix, Honeymoon Suite
I - Iron Maiden
J - Journey
K - Kiss
L - Living Colour
M - M+M, Yngwie Malmsteen
N - Northern Pikes, Night Ranger
O - The Outfield
P - Power Station,
Q - Queensryche, Quiet Riot
R - Rush, R.A.T.T.
S - Saga, Steely Dan, Starship, Sigue Sigue Sputnik, Stryper, The Spoons
T - Triumph, Tommy Tutone, Toto, 38 Special
U - Uriah Heep, UB 40
V - Van Halen, Vangelis
W - Wang Chung, John Waite, Kim Wilde
X - XTC
Y - Yes, Paul Young
Z - ZZTop

Just for fun, I'll tag Larry and Duff.

Lessons in Goaltending

Anyone who knows the great Canadian sport knows that there's usually one poor bastard out there on the ice who gets the lion's share of the madness when a game goes completely to shit.

Allow me to introduce The Goalie.

In this installment, we will show you how it is possible to turn yourself from God to Goat in just a few easy steps. You can apply these lessons any time you are on the ice. Those of you wishing a more metaphorical experience can search for the hidden meanings in these steps and apply them to your daily lives.

Are you sitting comfortably? Then we'll begin.

1. Be sure to join a league where disorganization seems to be the norm
2. Get assigned to a team of individual players who have never skated together before. (After all, we don't want any of that nasty "teamwork stuff" happening)
3. Make sure your team has a couple of 18-19 year old hotshots who hog the puck and lose focus quickly
4. Make sure that your team has absolutely no defencemen.
5. On game day, arrive nice and early so you can change and then stew as you realize how few players will be out for this game.
6. Make sure you're up against a team with at least 2 ringers
7. As a bonus, the opposing team should have at least two players you know. Extra points if one of them plays with you on another night of the week in a different league. Bonus points could also be awarded if you're up against someone who knows where all your gaps are.
8. Your players should lose most of the faceoffs in the first period, forcing you to make a couple of big saves early.
9. Coach them to play badly in their end so that you have little chance on the goals that do get through
10. It's very important to spend the second period making sure that any rebounds you give up go right to the opposing player's stick, setting up some nice goals.
11. Make at least one token effort on stopping a breakaway. Don't worry: you'll have plenty of opportunity to choose just the right one.
12. Try to pace yourself so that you're out of gas by the end of the second period.
13. When changing ends, offer the opposing goalie the chance to get some work by switching sides. It's not very sportsmanlike to let your opposition get bored.
14. Keep laughing when your offer is politely declined.
15. Extra points awarded for making uplifting comments like "Alright, team! It's 7-0...we've got them right where they want us!"
16. Keep pushing out those big rebounds in the third period to give the other team a chance to pad their lead.
17. Remind the ref when they come to scoop the puck out of your net, again, if the score is more than 8-2 that the other team is indeed winning. If the margin is 6 goals or greater, laugh politely at ref when he says, "buddy, you're seeing more rubber than my ex-wife when she goes to cash her alimony."
18. Feign interest when your team finally scores late in the third
19. Don't bother trying to play position...you'll only get tired.
20. When the opposing team gets another free shot in the third, check the clock. If the score is really lopsided and there's less than 20 seconds in the game, just stand aside and let it go in.

If you take these lessons to heart and really, really practice, you are well on your way to helping your team become the Division Bitch.

Good Luck!

(Just once in my life, I'd like to find myself on a team that actually has a chance to win. Is that too much to ask?)

Dialing to Distraction

I'm on the phone with The Hague.

"Oui, 'allo? Hello? International Court, 'ow may I h'assiste you?"

"Um yes...hello? I'm calling from Canada. "

"Ah oui, Canada. Does Canada need assistance?"

"Well, yes, but I'm not calling to arrange for a nation-wide do-over."

*pause* "To 'hoom do you wish to speak, sir?"

"Uh, well, I'd like to press charges against an unknown international criminal. Who should I speak to?"

"A criminal? Perhaps you should be speaking with INTERPOL, sir? I would 'appy to..."

"No, no...the crime is in evidence. I'd just like to arrange for prosecution."

"Prosecution, sir? Could you detail zee nature of the crime? It would be easier zen to, um, how you say, direct your call."

"The crimes are rather serious..."

"But, what crime is not, monsieur?"

"You have a point. Well. You see, its like this. This is a crime, of sorts, against humanity. It knows no borders. It targets many otherwise unsuspecting people. It's an epidemic!"

"Monsieur, perhaps you should be speaking with the World Health Organization?"

"I don't think so...I mean nobody is getting sick, or anything. But it is a definite crime. Surely someone can help me? "

"Oh, I am certain that we can, Monsieur. Please, tell me more about this crime. "

"Okay, I'll try. This small, but extremely persistent weapon has been put in the hands of criminals everywhere. People walk around in some places fully armed and ready. New kinds of ammunition are always freely available. "

"Zis is for real, non?"

"Yes! This is what I am telling you! There are some people who carry this weapon and don't even know that they are attacking others when the weapon goes off! Its even worse when more than one person has the same kind of ammunition. It's truly awful. "

"Please, go on..."

"I'm scared, you know."

"We understand and we wish to help, Monsieur."

"You're really my last hope. Even our own government officials and law enforcement are armed and they don't seem to care who gets hurt! I mean, even I admit I've armed myself, but I keep the safety on, you know? It's really bad...the ammunition goes off in restaurants, cars, buses, theaters....even schools! Think of the children!!!"

"Monsieur! Calm youself!"

"I can't! At this very moment, people are being assaulted!"

"But, Monsieur, you must detail ze nature of zis crime...."

"For the love of God! Don't you see! Its these damned downloadable Ring Tones! They're everywhere! Cell phones, pagers, even office phones now!! Ears are being abused! Silences shattered!!!"

"Ring tones? Monsieur, why didn't you say zhat in ze first place? You want the International Criminal Court. I will, 'ow you say...Hook you up?"

"Bless you...."

"No problem, Monsieur...thank you for calling. "

Sure wish I could get paid by the word

Yet another reason why all lawyers should be put up against the wall when the revolution comes.

Someone's legal system needs an enema.

"Thank you, M'Lord. The defence rests."

I wonder what I'd get for a 7lb psycho cat?

Apparently there's this new Turtle/Mercedes exchange program. Does it work like a gun amnesty where you get something really cool if you turn in your bang-stick?

Take note, turtle-hoarders everywhere! You, too can be driving a spiffy new set of wheels!

No re-catches and only one car per family. Turtle must be alive at time of exchange.

Following this precedent, I wonder what the Mighty Intrepid is worth?

With apologies to my American friends

I'm a space cadet.

Okay, maybe not a space cadet, but I really am an aerospace buff. Aviation, Space Exploration, Innovation, you name it, and I'm into it.

I'm thrilled to see efforts like the International Space station, to say nothing of other nations really expanding their own Space Agencies and efforts. And then you have really cool things like the Mars missions, the X-Prize and the non-government entrepeneurs who want to get their own craft into orbit. Heady stuff!

While I acknowledge that NASA is really the standard bearer for a lot of explorations, space is, and should remain international territory and free of protectionist and nationalistic aims. As cool as it was to hear that NASA is getting some new funds to return to the moon and all that jazz, Michael Griffin (NASA Administrator) managed to irk me with his recent comments on a trip to the Johnson Space Centre:

"If you ask anyone in this country, 'Do you believe that the United States should cede the moon to say the Chinese, Europeans, Russians, whoever?' I bet you the answer would be, 'No,'" he said.

Griffin said he believes a majority of people "want to make sure that as humankind expands into space the United States is there in the forefront."

Huh? Dude! Not your planet!! Sure, NASA put people there first (unless you believe the conspiracy theorists) but the Moon is not US territory! Therefore, they're not ceding anything. Except, apparently in their view, national penis size. Cuz, clearly, Griffin wants to compensate for something he's lacking.

No, not the Roman Legion

Hmmmm...cuz then I could be on one of those really cool History or Discovery programs!

However, that's not the case. I'm actually being sworn in as a member of the Royal Canadian Legion tonight.

While Canadians will know what the Legion is, the Viewers down in the US will be able to equate us with the American Legion, and the VFW. Strange as it may seem, I qualify as a veteran.

The Legion is a strange contradiction in many ways. It is an organization of exceedingly noble aims, formed by the membership of those who were sent to perform some rather ignoble tasks: the fighting of our wars. If the truth be told, I have never had occasion to serve in an operational role, but I served for over 14 years, working that delicate balance between school and the army, work and the army, and life and the army. No small challenge in this country.

I wrestled with my decision to join, not because I feel its a bad choice, but because I privately wonder if this is another example of Me supporting a bit of a lost cause, or just going against the grain? For example, I am a Canadian who willingly and enthusiastically joined the Army when it wasn't cool to do so. I like and actively support Canadian Football, and not everyone thinks that's such a cool thing. When I learned to play hockey, I wanted to be a Goalie. And now, I join the Legion (with its aging and declining membership) more out of a sense of duty and responsibility to the organization and its aims than anything else.

As an example, of the 10 people being sworn in tonight, I am the only "Ordinary" member, eg one with qualifying military service. The bulk of the others ("Associate" members)are those who have relatives with qualifying service, but none of their own. There are a few Non-voting members who are joining to get involved in Legion-associated programs. (It seems germane to point out that my Membership should drop the median age point by at least 5 years.). We'll see what contributions I can make, in my own way. If nothing else, I feel I'm trying to do my bit to promote the greater "Canadian" good.

So, here I am...against the grain and taking the road less travelled. Story of my life, really. All things considered, I'd probably do it this way again.

I think I know...

...why I'm so twitchy.

I don't have anything to read.

Like my usual escapist, mass market paperback stuff. I'm out.

This does not bode well for that side of my brain seeking suspension of disblelief and mental travels to alternate realities.

Okay, so I'm not always reading the latest narrative heavy dreck from the "hot author of the moment", but I still like the escape and that rare joy found only in the pages of a book.

Better get one fast before I go nutso.

No victory is a small one...

It's rare for me to write about work happenings, but I had to celebrate this one.

I'm responsible for all of our internal and external training, and we have one department who is a primary "customer." Normally, this is a good thing, except when the head of said department functions at High Panic levels throughout the day (see also: Spin-Dry.) This person is hereafter known as Spin Master. (Not to be confused with Spin Doctor.)

There isn't a person on my team or beyond who hasn't had some kind of run-in with SM, so it's now a quaint part of our corporate culture. Meetings and phone calls with SM are ususally dreaded and endured.

But, I digress.

Whenever we get ready with a new client release, we normally arrange for some sort of training event/session for SM's team, but with shifting dates and other things, SM usually goes into a tail-spin and rants about scheduling and coverage and workload....except for the fact that his team isn't carrying a big workload right now and is currently under-utilized. One of my right-hand cohorts has spent some time up at SM's location to conduct events and also to help pilot our e-learning work.

This week's madness was a new client pilot event. This is a very small pilot and the short version is that the impact on SM's team will be miniscule. Maybe one event per month. Yours truly makes use of his grey matter and determines that, in light of current workloads and the potential impact, that a formal training session isn't required and that we can simply make the appropriate reference materials available to SM's team and then if, and that's a big "if", an event occurs, then the staff know where to find the reference material to handle it. Seems simple enough, right?

SM's first response, "So when are we getting training on this?"

Me: *blank stare into phone*

When later informed that we didn't feel that training was required, SM went ape-shit.

So, I hauled SM down to my cube and figured I'd lay it all out for dicussion.

I set aside an entire hour for histrionics.

SM: hey, this looks simple, we can handle it ourselves.

Me: *mentally picking self up from floor*

It was a Bizzarro moment: No arguements, no whining, no crying jags, no complaints....

All my days should go like this!

(P.S. Also managed to sort out a misinformed client about some of their training requirements when my favourite Project Mangler dumped yet another short notice requirement on me. God save me from Engineers who think they have a clue...) I'm two-for-two today!

May I never be this kind of hockey dad.

This guy proves that love for your children can go too far.

Long story short, his kid was a high-scorer and good player in his AAA league in New Brunswick. Kid won, rightfully, the high scorer award but was passed over for MVP.

Result? Father goes bug-shit.

Felt his kid deserved the MVP (and what parent doesn't, really?) Actually sued Hockey Canada (the governing body) because, according to a recent Globe and Mail report, "He alleges that Hockey Canada, the sole governing body for amateur hockey, robbed his son of not merely a plaque but of fundamental human rights."

Rrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiighhhhhhhhht.....

Hockey Canada has a rule that if a parent raises a legal challenge of some kind, then the child is suspended from play for the duration of the legal action. Lawsuit with Hockey Canada? Failed. Human Rights challenge? Dismissed. Federal Court challenge? Dismissed.

Result for kid? Now 19, and attending university, missed out on balance of developmental and competitive play and currently plays in a men's league. Father admits that the kid was probably going to be too small for the NHL, but "probably missed out on some scholarships". Probably? So this wasn't a sure thing?

I don't think I've ever seen anyone push so much allegedly for their kid since Eric Lindros hit the NHL. (and don't get me started on that one)

Is it possible for the kid to sue his parents for sabotaging his dreams? Because that's exactly what he did. A wiser parent would have taken the high road, because it's not about awards and its not about recognition; it's about having fun playing the game. An MVP award is about who is the Most Valuable Player, either to their team or to the league as a whole. Scoring goals doesn't make you valuable. Useful, perhaps, but not valuable. If I was coaching, I'd rather have a kid who showed up, skated hard and inspired others through sheer personality and leadership than some kid who burns out the goal light.

As for you, Mr. Michel Croteau, you represent the very worst in Hockey Parenting, and parental examples. You are, however, a shining beacon for avoidance of your folly. If we can stop one future hockey parent from being like you, so much the better.

I wonder...

....about all the useless crap running around in my brain sometimes.

I'm occasionally asked "what are you thinking about?". Sometimes, I can't answer because even I don't know. A guy like the Free Writer offers probably the best insight into the stuff that goes on. Its a constant stream of random and frequently interconnected thoughts. Lots of it is stupid if you try to articulate it in the real world. Is it all just your restless imagination at work? Does it refuse to remain idle? What about those folks who seem to express no imagination? Are they just wired differently? Or, is there some inner torrent of thoughs that just never makes it outside?

(Can someone tell me why my bus is so fucking crowded this morning?)

And then there's the visual element.

Years ago I was reading one of Robert Fulghum's books and he said that if anyone could look inside a mind, they'd see something that was part slide show, home movies, wrestling match, stand-up comedy, and x-rated feature all in some strange kaleidescope. Imagine the smallest multi-plex you've ever seen residing in your head, showing the story of your life, real and imagined, on every screen.

That's what my brain feels like sometimes.

Every so often I struggle for what to write simply because I dunno where to begin. Of course that happens with work stuff that needs writing, too.

For example, I could go completely Zen about this talk of the mind, but, well....ah, I dunno. Is it too much, has it been done? Is this the mental stretch I need? I could go on and on about lots of current events, but its largely been done and all I can offer is opinion and hetoric, not fact.

Yep...interesting thing, the brain. A couple of pounds of greyish-white spongy tissue that seems to do a lot more that give the skull a nice, round shape...

(See? This is what happens when I don't ride my bike to the train in the morning...)
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