R is for Remorse, Recriminations and Recontacting Rosie

Before I get into the heavier stuff, give a shout out to my old High School classmate Rose. A transplanted Canadian, she's married to a US Army guy and lives in upstate NY. Rose was a year behind me in school but was taking my French class (the keener) and her brother, James, was also a classmate.

Of course, none of this would be interesting without that Six Degrees of Separation tale, right?

I had been in touch with Rose via email years ago and managed to lose her contact details. But I came across her (and her blog) while reading the comments about another classmate and bandmate and friend of long standing who was facing, well, a life-altering moment.

You see, D - a well known and well-respected middle school teacher back home - was about to plead guilty to a luring charge involving one of his own students. It almost seems like the classic case. Popular teacher, high standing in the community, award winning, active in his church, dedicated to wife and family and passionate about his job....busted for rather inappropriate online activities.

39 years old, and life -as he knows it - is over.

Unfortunately, in our hermetically sealed little burg up North, this is major news, and, of course, everyone and his dog has an opinion. The opinions range from disbelief, to denial to righteous condemnation and absurd speculations. My sister being one of the many contented by their righteousness - "oh, I'm not surprised at all", she says. (I hear she's screening Martha to come in and re-do the ivory tower she currently calls home.)

Anyway, I'm not among those who will be calling for D's head. I just can't. While I find his actions deplorable both personally and professionally, I won't define the man by this bad act. Fortunately, there are some other bandmates who are taking the same stance. I took the time to write him a letter that said I'd stand by him no matter what. I also said that if he was wrongly accused, he should fight hard. But I also told him that if he was the man I knew him to be and if he was indeed guilty that he should face the music and spare everyone the grief of a trial.

Now some people might wonder why I'd be willing to stand by someone who will likely be known (not necessarily accurately) as a sex offender for the rest of his life...a man whose teaching career is over...a man facing a long road of personal reflection and emotional challenge.

...because he was there for me at a time when I faced guilt by association in that same small burg, and because I still believe he's a good man...although one who was clearly struggling with his identity (not to excuse his actions at all.)

Yes, he stood by me when I needed my friends, and that kind of dedication is something you never ever forget.