There's a Hole in my Blog

Well, maybe not in my blog, but in my blog reading list. I need funny blogs I can access at work. There are some really good ones I'll check out whenever I'm visiting John Q., but I can do those from home, cuz I know that the firewall Gestapo would be questioning things like "boobsandlegs.net", "Chick and Dick", "2HotChicks", "Small Town Sex" and the like.

I need funny, work-safe blogs. Folks like dtrini, Lerren, John Q., Penny, etc.....those are the kinds of blogs I need.

Help me, help me!

Now it's my turn to freak the fuck out

Author's note: conspiracy theorists and other paranoids should skip this entry...

My DW spotted these new electric gizmos for the Wondertwins, called 20Q. These are little electronic widgets about the size of a pregnant yo-yo and they play "20 Questions" with you. Now those of you in the studio audience who remember the game of "20 Questions" will know how easy it is to stump the questioner with your answers to such tried & true questions, such as, "Is it animal, vegetable, or mineral?", or even "is it bigger than a bread box?". This little trinket does all that. It also taunts you. No, I'm not kidding.

We figured it would be easy to stump, but the kids would have some fun playing with it.

As creepy as this sounds, I think it can read my mind, 'cause I'm thinking of some wierd-ass shit and it's getting it right!!!

I know what you're thinking: there's no way, right?

Watch this example:

1. Is it Animal? Yes
2. Is it larger than a microwave? No
3. Can it swim? No
4. Does it have fur? No
5. Is it a herbivore? Yes
6. Can you find it on a farm? No

Taunt: you think you can beat me!!!

7. Can you buy it at a store? No
8. Are there many different sorts of it? No
9. Is it brown? No
10. Does it lay eggs? No
11. Can it climb? Unknown
12. Does it live in the forest? Sometimes
13. Can it cheer you up? No
14. Does it have 4 legs? Yes
15. Does it have a long tail? No
16. Does it live in groups? Yes
17. Is it heavy? No
18. Does it weigh more than a duck? No

Taunt: I think I've got you!

19. It it smaller than a loaf of bread? Yes
20. Is it heavier than a pound of butter? No

Taunt: I think I've got it...

Now for everyone in the studio audience who happens to be playing along, what do you think it is?

20Q asks: Is it a naked mole rat?

Fuck me, sideways! That's what we picked!!!! Now how the heck it got "naked mole rat" from those responses, I have no idea. Personally, I'm going with the mind reading. We've only managed to stump it twice. We've thought of some really weird stuff and it gets it.

So I did what I usually do with technology that confuzzles me: I put it down and walk away from it. But in typical Taurus fashion, I have to go back to it. So I do. It guesses right. I get totally creeped out and go searching for alcohol or some kind of hallucinogen. Is this the Furbee of the 21st century? Little plastic gizmos reading our every thoughts? Whata will they come up with next? Cell phones with cameras built-in? Oh wait...

My DW had a bit of fun when she tried to stump it with "love". After the obligatory 20 questions, 20Q cockily replied, "I know...it's a tablelamp!".

Do with that what you will.

As someone once said, "I want to believe!"

(And since its now nearing 11PM, I'm going to go upstairs and get my DW naked. *grin*)

In case I forget

...My wife is pretty awesome. One again, she saved me from the ravages of a gruesome day with dinner out and a nice, quiet evening at home, snuggled in bed watching TV.

As the Romans say, she's a pearl beyond price.

Over the Wall!

I did it! I escaped! I'm going home!!

(Thank Biff for web-enabled Blackberries)

Meetings take Minutes and Waste Hours

Great tag line to describe this morning's fiasco with my favourite group of consultants.

Shocking me to the core was the fact that we actually received an agenda for today's meeting. I didn't have a large role in it, but because some of the work I'm currently doing touches on a number of other project deliverables, I figured I shouldn't miss it.

Sparking my ire first was a note from last week's meeting (which I didn't attend because I didn't think I was needed) that stated that one of the deliverables I needed put on hold was put back on the "live" list. Of course, nobody bothered to let me know this had transpired. Nice...

Then, partway into the meeting, the agenda goes to shit. I mean, really to shit.

So as I'm sitting there madly making notes about this new deliverable I've been saddled with (to say nothing of fuming over the issue) the remaining participants go off on a wild tangent about some miniscule aspect of a new deliverable. Um, hello? Don't we have other stuff to talk about?

The project manager, who called the meeting did nothing to either steer us back on track, or to halt the discussion and 'parking lot' the issue or set it up for another meeting. Nope...he sat there like a fucken bump. Please...turn me up from simmer, to med-high.

And what about the other stuff, I hear you ask?

Out the window. "Oh, I guess we're out of time. I'll have to set up another meeting."

After I left and came back to my desk, my boss asks me, "Are you upset about something?"

I wonder what gave him that idea...

Oh...

...my GOD...

I've done many regrettable things while hammered, but this would never occur to me.

I had a very disturbing thought...

...and strangely enough it wasn't triggered by John Q's revealing post.

One of my co-workersbears a striking physical resemblance to Uncle J. Giggles Flintstone. I keep expecting him to come in one day wearing the barrel.

Scary.

Sheesh

I'd love to know why my email posts keep disappearing into thin air. I even have the "publish" setting checked off, but do you think I can get one to actually show up?

Nope...

Although maybe the subject of yesterday's email had something to do with it:

"Please allow me to express my frustrations over the slowness that is Blogger.com today.

Damned-near impossible to view blogs or even post.Maybe email posting will actually circumvent the chaos.

(Hey, Blogger/Google people...get on the stick, will ya? How about alittle bandwidth?)"

Gifts like this they don't need

First I was sick, then The Girl got sick, now The Boy is sick.

We've tossed a coin to determine where it came from. Either the wondertwins brought it home from school and I got it first, or (more likely) I brought it home from work from one of my many seasonally ill colleagues.

So, my DW is home with The Boy today as he deals with fever & chills & aches & stuff. Probably not quite how either of them expected to spend the day. Hopefully he'll get over it soon. It's no fun being sick in nice weather, that's for sure.

So there I was...

...me vs. the Toronto Argonauts.

Okay, so maybe it just seemed that way.

Yours truly was in goal for part of a charity game between 'The Frozen Boatmen' and some alumni from the Canadian Deaf Hockey team. No, I'm not deaf, but the parent of one of The Boy's hockey teammates is; and a damned good hockey player in the bargain. He asked me to come out for the game so he'd have at least one goalie for sure.

It was a fun game and DW even came out to watch. She was sending messages to my crackberry as I was getting changed prior to the game:

DW: (6:25PM) Good luck, hunny
DW: (6:33PM) k, only 3 argos so far...
DW: (6:55PM) OMG one of the argo players came in and he's HUGE
DW: (6:57PM) Um, hunny, what were you thinking??

Of course, this was after asking me (apropos of nothing whatsoever) "hey, you do have your health card, right?" Now, I know she wasn't trying to psych me out or anything, but you have to admit, its a bit of an unnerving question. Visions of being turned into a smear across the crease leapt unbidden to mind.

Unfortunately, the Argos prevailed 6-4, but a good time was had by all. DW enjoyed herself immensely and I played surprisingly well, even though I was feeling a bit sick and playing against some *very* good hockey players. The Argo goalie (who also moonlights as one of their wide receivers) wound up borrowing my blocker and my spare stick because his just weren't up to the task.

I'm up for a rematch anytime, but Andre will have to bring his own stuff next time. ;-)

I know you've been waiting anxiously...

Here it is! My successful stained glass project!
The shade was from a book of Prairie-style patterns that I bought with DW a few weeks before our wedding. I used a photograph of another lamp on a stand as the inspiration for this one and I designed and built the stand and the matching inset. Not bad for my first significant project.

Return of the Skin

I suppose I should have stuck with a good thing. I really hated that other look & feel so the studio audience and you folks playing along at home will see that I've brought the old look back.

Sometimes the classics really never go out of style. (of course, I reserve the right to change my mind when Blogger comes up with new skins that I like.)

Hi, my name is Mossy and I'm a posting idiot

You'd think I'd learn my lesson after having posts disappear while working on them, but oh no....not me. I'm a "burn my hand on the stove twice" kind of kid.

Fucking blogger...fucking ISP...fuck, fuck, fuck...

(Yeah I know.....type elsewhere, paste/post here.)

(Good?) Friday

My darling wife and I really know how to celebrate the Easter holiday.

What did we do?

WE CLEANED!!!

We are kid-less for the bulk of the weekend because the kids are with their father. Now, normally, this would be an opportunity for us to go and have some "adult time" but we recognized that the house really needed a good "top to bottom."

DW and I have similar views on cleaning. We recognize it as an evil necessity, but a necessity nonetheless. We don't live in squalour by any means, but we're not exactly neat freaks. A clean desk is a sign of a sick mind, etc., etc. However, we figured that since the kids weren't back until Sunday, if we spent a few hours doing stuff, we'd really feel better about it. Yet another sign of peace and harmony is that we actually have preferences for which acts of cleaning we prefer. I'm good at being Mr. Un-clutter, and she follows me with the vacuum. I disassemble and clean the fridge and she washes the walls. (See? It's all about balance.)

A few hours later, the Stone house is nice and tidy and we even gave ourselves a little reward by going out to catch a movie.

On the down side, I'm still not feeling any better and I wish whatever virus I've contracted would make up its mind which system it would like to reside in for its short lifespan. It seems to be tossing a coin between inflaming my tonsils and filling my sinuses. The bookmakers in Vegas are giving it pretty even odds either way.

Off to go snuggle DW in front of the TV. Later.

Doing the right thing...

While it hasn't been the best week for the Canadian Justice system (eg. the Air India trial/farce) it was nice to see a glimmer of logic shining through the cracks. Strangely enough, I'm not referring to the long-awaited deportation of Ernst Zundel.

As some of you in the studio audience will remember, there was a lot of noise made recently about an American "war protester/war dodger" who escaped to Canada in a bid to avoid military service in the "War on Terrorism." This wasn't some activist, this was a soldier. He deserted his unit days before they were to be deployed to Iraq, slipped over the border and claimed refugee status. Democratic society that we are, that claim entitled him to a hearing.

I have to say that, as a former soldier, I find his actions cowardly and deplorable. He wasn't drafted or press-ganged into the military, he volunteered. He took an oath and (in his case) swore to defend the US Constitution and to obey the orders of the officers appointed above him, much in the same was in which I swore allegiance to Her Majesty, The Queen; her heirs and successors when I joined the Reserves, way back in 1986.

Now, unless this guy was terminally stupid, he'd have to know that the military does indeed have a purpose: to defend a nation's interest....sometimes by force of arms. Not that it's always the right way, but that's sometimes how it happens. Surely these weren't new revelations. Instead of taking a non-combat position like a medic or a truck driver or a clerk or something, he joins the infantry and becomes a parachutist in the process! Not exactly shrinking violets, these fellas!

The US military actually has provisions for serving members in accordance with their beliefs, and this lowlife chose to basically say "fuck you" to the process and slink away with his tail between his legs. He could have taken advantage (again) of the "conscientious objector" status and fulfilled his obligations, but no. What does he do? He runs away.

I won't debate the somewhat questionable rationale for Dubya's decision to send in the troops, but damnit, if you swear an oath, you live up to it. He made the weak argument that he couldn't obey illegal orders (in fact, he referred to the entire war as illegal.) If he had ever received one that was truly illegal he'd have an obligation to disobey it. But since he pussied out and tried to apply some vague interpretation of the law onto his arguments, it all comes out as bullshit. The orders he received might have been distasteful (and for soldiers, they sometimes are) but they were not (by definition of the law) illegal.

I'm glad he'll get his ass shipped back across the border where it belongs and that he'll get the court martial (and subsequent military prison time and the dishonourable discharge) he so richly deserves.

Honourable service is any soldier's obligation. If he'd gone over like a professional soldier, his wits and his so-called morals could have kept him alive. He could have made a better contribution by surviving and being a good parent to his child. He could have exercised his right to vote to make a change in his government.

But no...not Pvt. Jeremy Hinzman. His cowardice and twisted sense of loyalty sent him across the border to Canada. Garbage like that we don't need and a little bit of my faith in the nation has been restored because they said that he hadn't earned entry and that he'll now have to go home and face the punishment that particular democratic society has deemed appropriate.

Hinzman, get your disloyal, cowardly ass the fuck out of my country and never come back.

Is this the first step on a slippery slope?

Okay, I totally blame Kristin for this, but I now have access to Picasa and Hello so I can add pictures to my blog. Well, I suppose I could blame her evil twin, Cricket, because she has pictures all over her blog, but, well...um....*sigh*

Will there be pics? Yeah maybe...we'll see.

Just don't expect any like John Q's. *grin*

I've got them right where they want me

Its a rare thing when I can identify with Arnie, but I feel a bit like "Kindergarten Cop" today.

Despite the fact that I'm getting sick, I'm out as a parental volunteer for The Girl today when they do an activity called "Scientist in The School". The so-called scientist has obviously got a few miles on her for this gig...she goes from school to school in the region doing this shtick. I dunno if this is a sign of decreased budgets for science class education, but it was an interesting concept anyway.

There were all sorts of activities for the kidlets, including: examining bones, checking lung capacity, checking heart rates and building a kidney. I got the kidney. I now feel completely confident, that if the world goes arse-over-tit and my darling wife goes into renal failure, I can build her a kidney. Of course, that presumes that I remembered to bring funnels, tubing and coffee filters in my survival pack.

Heck of a way to spend a morning.

It's like an endoscopic exam

I had my year-end review today.

*cringe*

Now, I know they refer to this as the end of the fiscal year. Maybe I'm an idiot, but I'm pretty sure that the year ended in December, right? My suspicion is that the bean counters are still 3 months behind.

But I digress.

Having been a manager, I know the value of having some kind of goal-setting process...particularly when bonuses are involved. I've actually implemented a performance management programme in a past life managing a team of 15 prima-donna trainers. That was an experience and a half. I think I'd rather do my own root canal than go through that again.

But I digress. Encore.

I hate having the process applied to ME. I mean, I've been in training and education in some form or another for almost 17 yrs. I am definitely my own worst critic. I mean, I can see my faults and failures but I so rarely see the successes unless prodded.

I think my biggest problem with how we're doing it at work is that the process is relatively new, and it seems to be a moving target. We're still essentially a start-up so processes and policies are rarely the same two days running. (makes for some interesting progress meetings and shifting project priorities, I can tell you.) This year, the "new" program was kicked off, but the deadline for getting your objectives to your manager was pushed back and pushed back....eventually, I had a goals list submitted that had 10-12 items already checked off as being completed!

Didn't matter, though. I was still dreading the review.

My darling wife, supportive and encouraging as she is, kept telling me not to worry about the review but my illogical self wasn't listening. You can go into a review knowing that you've completed absolutely everything on your list, but you still might wind up with a manager who will cram a scope up the ass of your professional work for the year and poke around looking for fucking acorns or something. Now I have some slight understanding of how women feel in the stirrups, and I'm rarely interested in being spread wide for *that* kind of examination.

Long story short, my manager is happy with what I've accomplished and with how I'm working. They greyer heads in the shop still have to get together to review the results, so I'll know if I'm "bonus worthy" inside a couple of weeks.

The next review is only 12 months away...

Yippy, skippy.

What I did on my blogging vacation...

1. Apologized
2. Apologized some more
3. Begged
4. Pleaded
5. Ducked
6. Apologized
7. Expressed regret
8. Listened
9. Promised openness
10. Made up and reconnected

'nuff said there.

[what I meant to say, was...]

"Hi, My name is Mossy, and I'm a blog-a-holic..."

Some of my favourite blogs haven't been updated yet and I seriously need a fix. Some are offline, even.

I wonder if I need a 12-step program?