Incumbent Idiocy - a Language Rant

I freely admit that I'm not a master of the English language, but I do know errors when I see them. I got a big kick, for instance, from the book "Eats, Shoots and Leaves" which pointed out some egregious uses of language and punctuation, particularly by people who should really know better.

Penny and I have had all sorts of "WTF are they thinking?" exchanges when we see commas being used in the wrong places, and so on. Do NOT get me started on the shameful way in which the apostrophe is used as a mistaken pluralizer. However, there's one particular attempt at erudition which totally drives me bananas.

As some of you may know, I'm doing a relatively subtle job search at the moment. I'm not screamingly anxious to leave my current employer but I've got enough uncertainty about corporate direction that it seems prudent to hedge my bets. Needless to say I've been looking at a lot of job ads.

Now, let's have a nice big show of hands. How many of you have seen job ads where they say something like, "the incumbent will possess the following skills..."?

Let's see those hands?! Right? Most of you? Okay. That's what I thought.

One little problem with that little phrase:

It's WRONG.

Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong.

"You! Jones! You're the political whiz...so what does 'incumbent' mean? Stand up, boy!"

[Jones puts down his barely-disguised collection of nudie pics with Penny's face pasted over them, blushes, adjusts himself, and responds - squirming]

J: "Um, sir, I'd really rather not"

[nauseated] "Fine, Jones. I think it's probably better that you sit."

J: "Thank you, sir."

"Now, Jones. What does 'incumbent' mean?"

[Puppy-like excitement] "Oh, yes sir! Incumbent! Eye, Enn, See..."

"JONES!!!"

J: "Sir?"

"What does it mean?"

J: "Oh, yes sir. Sorry, sir. Incumbent. Yes. That's when someone is already in political office. For example, our incumbent governor of Massholeachussets is..."

"Yes, yes, yes, Jones. Enough with the showing off. You're correct. 'Incumbent', when referring to an individual, means the current holder of an office. Now go back to what you were doing and let me finish my story."

J: "Yes, Sir. Thank you, Mr. Stone, sir."

"Oh, and, Jones?"

J: "Sir?"

"Wash your hands before lunch"

J: [Blushing] "Yes, sir."

So, class, we know what incumbent is, but why, why, why, for the love of Biff, why do employers insist on using the word as a replacement for "the successful candidate" or "the incoming *position name*"? Do they not realize how stupid they look to someone who actually knows? Do they really, really, really think that we are so stupid that... [pause]

"Jones! Put your hand down. That was a rhetorical question!"

Anyway, I don't understand. I truly don't. I sometimes wonder why I would even bother applying to a place which uses such poor language, but you really wouldn't believe who uses it. Companies who whould know better, to be honest. Of course, I guess I can't really be picky, can I? My bigger dilemma is this: do I say anything to the companies? I mean, I don't want to get an immediate reputation as a smartass know-it-all in the interview phase. I'd prefer it to develop naturally after I'm hired!

Since it was really incumbent upon me (another acceptable use of the word, referring to a sense of duty) to point this misuse and abuse out to you, I urge you all to watch for such language crimes wherever you go.

"Jones!"

J: "Sir?!"

"You may come up and clean off the brushes while the rest of the class is at recess. You won't have to worry about being beaten up by the girls this time."

J: [relieved] "Thank you, sir!"