The Nasal Chronicle
So here I am, minding my own business on the morning train. One of the "regulars" who usually gets on when I do is in the seat beside me.
Ever sat next to a loud breather? This guy is one. Got the loudest nasal exhale I've ever heard and its the only damn thing I can hear.
They wouldn't put me away for stifling him now, would they??
9 comments:
um, nice imagery, MD.
Actually, it was more like a bike pump. Like he had a perpetually slow leak.
I'll take loud breathing to stinky breath, Seinfeld-esque B.O. or loud cell yakker any day.
Loud breathing is only ok, in bed. Other than that, it's annoying.
I say, stifle away!
Ew! I hate loud breathers. Irritates the crap outta me.
If I was on your jury I wouldn't convict you!
With the mood I'm in today, I would have probably turned and said, "Excuse me, can you either breathe through your mouth or NOT BREATHE AT ALL, PLEASE?!?!?!?!?"
You must collect an arsenal of fake annoying habits to amuse yourself in those situations, e.g. whistling, humming, foot-tapping, staring too long, twitching, repeating your list of things to do outloud, asking what time it is every 2 minutes ... you get the idea. That way you can amuse yourself by watching his reaction.
I have perfected the art of the humanblowfish: when someone of questionable train-buddy quality (smelly, loud, etc) comes up the aisle I spreadmyself out so I look twice as large as a really am, and they move along so they don't have to sit with a fat load.
Yes, I feel very bad about this.
Or you could just fart and see what happens. Damn loud breathers.
"Breath this, Snorty!"
you might get a medal for it.
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