It's like an endoscopic exam
I had my year-end review today.
*cringe*
Now, I know they refer to this as the end of the fiscal year. Maybe I'm an idiot, but I'm pretty sure that the year ended in December, right? My suspicion is that the bean counters are still 3 months behind.
But I digress.
Having been a manager, I know the value of having some kind of goal-setting process...particularly when bonuses are involved. I've actually implemented a performance management programme in a past life managing a team of 15 prima-donna trainers. That was an experience and a half. I think I'd rather do my own root canal than go through that again.
But I digress. Encore.
I hate having the process applied to ME. I mean, I've been in training and education in some form or another for almost 17 yrs. I am definitely my own worst critic. I mean, I can see my faults and failures but I so rarely see the successes unless prodded.
I think my biggest problem with how we're doing it at work is that the process is relatively new, and it seems to be a moving target. We're still essentially a start-up so processes and policies are rarely the same two days running. (makes for some interesting progress meetings and shifting project priorities, I can tell you.) This year, the "new" program was kicked off, but the deadline for getting your objectives to your manager was pushed back and pushed back....eventually, I had a goals list submitted that had 10-12 items already checked off as being completed!
Didn't matter, though. I was still dreading the review.
My darling wife, supportive and encouraging as she is, kept telling me not to worry about the review but my illogical self wasn't listening. You can go into a review knowing that you've completed absolutely everything on your list, but you still might wind up with a manager who will cram a scope up the ass of your professional work for the year and poke around looking for fucking acorns or something. Now I have some slight understanding of how women feel in the stirrups, and I'm rarely interested in being spread wide for *that* kind of examination.
Long story short, my manager is happy with what I've accomplished and with how I'm working. They greyer heads in the shop still have to get together to review the results, so I'll know if I'm "bonus worthy" inside a couple of weeks.
The next review is only 12 months away...
Yippy, skippy.
5 comments:
Acorns up your ass?? Who the HELL makes that kind of metaphor. Ew.
As for understanding the whole woman in the stirrups thing...until your boss asks you to "scoot to the end of the meeting table and hang your bottom just a little bit off of it" and then shines a light worthy of Nazi interrogation towards parts that should NEVER be inspected that closely -- unless it's by someone you love who is about to do wonderful things to you (refer to John Q. Public's blog for comments)-- and then pulls two metal shoehorns out of the freezer and tells you to relax before... well, anyway...
Sorry, Mossy, it just doesn't even come close.
At least you GOT your review. I've been begging for mine. I submitted my goals in December, helped the team write theirs, helped the team rewrite theirs, wrote the boss', resubmitted my goals, begged for a review and... tumbleweeds.
I'll try not to have my bonus spent before it arrives...
If you need help spending that money, give me a ring because I am full of ideas.
On the review, it is a very butchered process and to be perfectly honest, I think all the love in this company has almost left the building. Culture has become a useless buzzword that is passed around by "some" people who really don't have a f**king clue what the word means.
While I am sure the three levels of bosses above are happy with my work, I simply am not in a position that produces great "paper project" items that look good in this sort of process. Ah well, I expect so little so everything above that will be gravy. There's a lot of room for gravy above nothing.
Anyhow, as a friend I can say you are as big a shit disturber as myself. As a co-worker, I can say it is evident to anyone that you are passionate about doing a good job, are committed to that task at all times and that you do so with the respect and support of those around you.
The fact that you will always get good reviews is a given. The fact that you are a basket case about it is useable (and you KNOW I will use it). The fact that you want to understand the whole scope thing is disturbing. The fact that you would dare compare ANYTHING to what women go through where a woman can hear/read it is either unbelievably brave or the dumbest thing you have ever done.
We will have a beer next week to work out which.
I think Dtrini's been married longer than you have, Mossy.
Can I come along for that beer and ensuing discussion? Just to give you a woman's point of view, of course. (Because we all know that it's the only point of view that matters).
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